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Domestic Violence
Sexual abuse is probably the most disturbing kind of abuse because children are deceived into thinking it is something normal or even special, which it clearly is not, or they are forced to keep it secret and hide their feelings. Contrary to media headlines and popular public opinion, most people, adults and children are sexually abused by people they know, not strangers.
There are several forms of domestic violence, the thing they all have in common is the abuser’s desire for power and control over others.
Physical abuse means any act of brutality or physical cruelty such as punching, kicking or beating.
Emotional abuse includes shouting and swearing, criticising and blaming, making threats or saying hurtful things. But it can also include controlling behaviours where an adult uses their physical or financial power to control the actions, freedoms and choices of another, such as confining them to the house or not allowing their friends to visit, or restricting their access to money. They may also use these things as threats to make them keep quiet about other forms of abuse they are committing.
Sexual abuse means a parent or child is forced into a sex act they don’t want to do or is touched in a way that makes them uncomfortable.
Neglect is when parents, who are often victims of domestic violence, become so disturbed and consumed by their problems that they neglect their children and their needs - children may go without food, clean clothes and a clean home, but most of all they go without love, care and support, and if they become sick they may not be cared for properly.
What are the effects?
Children who are abused may experience a range of difficult emotions. They may feel embarrassed, ashamed, guilty, confused, angry, insecure, or powerless.
They may have trouble sleeping, and when they do they may have nightmares and flashbacks. They may become withdrawn and lose interest in their school work, their friends and hobbies, or have mood swings and temper tantrums. In the worst cases this can lead to deeper emotional problems such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders and self harm.
Turning to alcohol and drugs as a form of escape is probably the most common effect. Unfortunately alcohol and drug abuse are often the initial cause of domestic violence, so the cycle begins again where the abused become the abusers, leading some children to take it out on others by engaging in bullying and violent behaviour.
What causes domestic violence?
Domestic violence is often linked to emotional issues caused by stressful situations such as illness, the death of a loved one, unemployment or work difficulties, financial difficulties, relationship difficulties, or addictions such drugs, alcohol and gambling.
Sometimes it is a direct consequence of mental health issues. And sometimes it is a continuation of someone’s personal experience of abuse - adults who abuse were often abused themselves.
