Understanding grief

Understanding these emotions and how they change over time is the key to dealing with loss and grief.

During the first few days and weeks of grieving, the emotions are very intense and very raw, and usually come and go in waves, one moment you might be ok, the next you are depressed, anxious or distressed, then ok again.

Everyone, adults and children, experience this pattern of grief, and while young people may feel it more acutely in the short term, its normal course is a gradual decline in pain and distress over time. The extreme emotions of the early days gradually recede until they reach a level that allows a grieving person to function again without grief being the all-consuming emotion of every day.

When people begin to function again they learn how to adapt and adjust to a life that has been changed by their loss. It means being able to do ordinary things as well as getting to grips with bigger changes that may include taking up new responsibilities or learning new skills, moving house or changing schools.

There is no easy way to deal with the death of someone you love, and the feelings that follow are very largely out of your control; at least for a time. It is only the passing of time that heals, and every day a little piece of normality returns. Eventually most people are able to move on and carry on with their own lives; and without forgetting the loved one they have lost, they do become happy again.